I didn’t even get 48 hours with him before he had to go back to base, but just seeing him, and going out for supper and drinks with friends, or even just the fact he stayed here with me, and visited his parents, instead of the other way around made everything so real, for the first time in two and a half years.
It’s just so different when he’s the one who’s away. I don’t wanna go to sleep alone, and once I’m passed out and in bed, I don’t have any reason to get up and face the day. At least when I had school, it forced me to do something with my day, and I had distractions… It wasn’t anywhere near this bad when I was away for school, for 8 months and only had 2 trips home.
Christmas, we nearly had a monthly together, and it was beautiful. It was the first time he accidentally said “Even when we’re married, I won’t do that for you” -first mention of “marriage” and “we” in the same sentence is always wonderful, doesn’t matter what else was said.
I came home for Valentines day and he drove out 4 hours to the airport, we went out for supper, drove back home, and left the next morning with the army. That was brutal…
When I got back home, we spent most our time together. Now I’ve been out of school and unemployed for almost 2 months, and he’s been gone for the past month with only two 40 hour visits. (He gets 48 hour leave, but it’s a 4 hour drive one-way)
But now with him staying with me during his leaves, the first “I love you”, and his promise to live together come September when he should be home to stay and we can actually be together, I can’t help but miss him even more than ever before. Everywhere I look, something reminds me of him.
I should be happy our relationship is moving forward, but all I can do is sit here and hold back the tears…or not.
I used to be fine with not seeing each other for months on end, but now that things are so good, and that I’m so happy when I’m with him, I broke down at the thought of the next month involving him being in the field for 3/4 weeks, meaning no leave, and the calls/texts are limited to once every 5 days.
Then he comes home from his course the last weekend of the month… only to be off again, without leave for 7 weeks… Where I did what he’s about to do in 2011. It didn’t bother me then, since I was busy enough to only miss him at lights out. He came to visit me once then, so I might make the trip down sometime around week 4, give me something to look forward to // back on, to keep me going.
It’s just so awful. Watching him walk down my driveway with his bags just broke my heart. And I wish I could say it’s gonna get easier, but I had it easy this last month with daily evening texts and weekend phone calls if he wasn’t here. It’s only going to get worse for me… I need a job or to go back to school before I drive myself mad.
xx Come Home Soon xx
beautiful weekend with my one and only :)
always painful to watch him leave again </3
I’ll just sit right here and wait by the phone for Friday…
I miss you already.